Nope, not dead yet.
Just really stressed and as much as I want to vent here, well I don't want to sound like I am complaining about everything because in truth thats what I sound like to myself some days.
Pretty much lab is insanely crazy but there may be a first author paper by August (yay!)
Summer job is eating my life and I hate my boss, but everyone else is really nice to work with.
I am waitlisted. Again. At the same school. Needless to say, this does not do much for my mood. Yes, I have written update letters (I actually found out I was waitlisted in April, but yeah, thats how badly its killed my mood. I really don't want to have to go another round of applications because its depressing to say the least). I am really crossing my fingers on this because I really want to get my life boogying by now. Plus it means I also may have a shot at an MD/PhD, which never had even crossed my mind until recently because my PI is pretty much trying to make me a graduate student (and I am kind of enjoying it).
And my roommate is moving at the end of July. I am sad to see her go, but its awesome because she got accepted into an amazing PhD program in a near by city. She totally deserves it. But I will miss her.
And I am not even going into firehouse politics, other than to say I want to bang my head against a wall at the ridiculousness.
Med school? Please?
Friday, June 15, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
The Night of Nosebleeds
Everything you are about to read happened after midnight.
It was a rather cold and rainy night, you know, the ones where you of course get a call in the worst location possible.
First up was a little old man and his wife, cute couple, had just come back from a late dinner with the kids when they realized they needed us. Or rather, he needed us. My partner and I schlepped up several flights before the wife let us in and led us back to the rear bathroom. There, standing over a new very red sink was a little old man with his nose poring blood.
And I mean poring. The white sink was nearly invisible under the blood, a trash can had also been graced with blood, and the towel held to the man's face was swiftly doing nothing. Upon seeing the scene I turned to my partner with that look of 'We are going and we are going now.'
A quick packaging, a set of vitals, and another towel later we are on the road. The poor guy said that something similar had happened two night ago but the bleeding had stopped on its own just as spontaneously as it had started. Unfortunately this time it would require a trip to the hospital. I felt a bit bad as I hung out as far behind his head as the bench seat would allow but whenever he spoke I could see the blood droplets leaving his mouth. Did I mention he was coughing up clots too?
Thankfully a quick trip to the hospital and a combination of cautery and packing, the nosebleed finally stopped. And here I thought the dispatch of 'nosebleed' was going to be bogus.
Sped forward to the wee hours of the morning just before the sun rises. Dispatched for a second nosebleed. As we rolled up to this one I refused to believe we would get two real serious nosebleed calls in one night.
I was wrong. Blood droplets were strewn across the house as another poor man pinched his nose in a desperate attempted to get it to stop bleeding. It had started that evening but seemed to stop enough for him to sleep. Well now there was blood everywhere so clearly that was a false alarm. While not as serious as the first, it was another trip to the hospital to figure things out.
This poor man had the added complication of having face-planted in a parking garage a few days early, breaking his nose and looking like he had been in serious fight. It was unknown if the nosebleed was from the previously broken nose or something new.
I may never dismiss a nosebleed call again.
It was a rather cold and rainy night, you know, the ones where you of course get a call in the worst location possible.
First up was a little old man and his wife, cute couple, had just come back from a late dinner with the kids when they realized they needed us. Or rather, he needed us. My partner and I schlepped up several flights before the wife let us in and led us back to the rear bathroom. There, standing over a new very red sink was a little old man with his nose poring blood.
And I mean poring. The white sink was nearly invisible under the blood, a trash can had also been graced with blood, and the towel held to the man's face was swiftly doing nothing. Upon seeing the scene I turned to my partner with that look of 'We are going and we are going now.'
A quick packaging, a set of vitals, and another towel later we are on the road. The poor guy said that something similar had happened two night ago but the bleeding had stopped on its own just as spontaneously as it had started. Unfortunately this time it would require a trip to the hospital. I felt a bit bad as I hung out as far behind his head as the bench seat would allow but whenever he spoke I could see the blood droplets leaving his mouth. Did I mention he was coughing up clots too?
Thankfully a quick trip to the hospital and a combination of cautery and packing, the nosebleed finally stopped. And here I thought the dispatch of 'nosebleed' was going to be bogus.
Sped forward to the wee hours of the morning just before the sun rises. Dispatched for a second nosebleed. As we rolled up to this one I refused to believe we would get two real serious nosebleed calls in one night.
I was wrong. Blood droplets were strewn across the house as another poor man pinched his nose in a desperate attempted to get it to stop bleeding. It had started that evening but seemed to stop enough for him to sleep. Well now there was blood everywhere so clearly that was a false alarm. While not as serious as the first, it was another trip to the hospital to figure things out.
This poor man had the added complication of having face-planted in a parking garage a few days early, breaking his nose and looking like he had been in serious fight. It was unknown if the nosebleed was from the previously broken nose or something new.
I may never dismiss a nosebleed call again.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Of Lab and Cookies
P.I. : "You made these with butter?!"
EMT GFP: "Of course! What else would you use?"
Seriously, if you are going to make cookies, why would you NOT use butter.
EMT GFP: "Of course! What else would you use?"
Seriously, if you are going to make cookies, why would you NOT use butter.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Death and Dying
Lab has been insane. All I have to say is finding funding is not pleasant in this economy and has created far more stress than necessary. This stress should be directed towards papers, not grants!
Anyways, my crew and I have had a string of patient deaths, though not the we couldn't save them deaths. No more it was the elderly reaching the end of their time deaths. A DNR, a should have been DNR that the family was going to get the paperwork done the next day but relative decided tonight was the night, and elderly (105!!!) just not doing well and probably reaching the end of his time. Now, I could rant all day about hospice and the lack of planning in this country, but I will refrain for that for now.
Instead, and what I found very interesting, was that I had a new probie who was terrified of death and dying. Now maybe this is just something that I processed early on as a child and accepted (and no, I did not have my parents/grandparents die young), maybe its because I always have known I want to go into medicine, in the end it really doesn't matter but death and dying is something I am comfortable with in the field. Yes, I do get a bit nervous making the call, but for BLS, you have to be really dead or have a DNR to call it and thankfully those are the situations I encountered. Nerve wracking sure, but pretty clear cut. And yet this normal process really disturbed by probie. Perhaps I am the odd one finding his reaction odd but perhaps it was also his first dead person.
My crew chief and I asked her if she wanted to talk about it and she staunchly replied with a "no". Well, that makes us helping you deal with it all the harder.
The same thing happened when we had a "code" that was really a "well we were going to hospice tomorrow morning and we know she wants to die but no, we don't have any paperwork. Whats a DNR?" Thankfully the medic go medical clearance to stop the code but again, my probie didn't want to talk about, though we could tell she did not like dealing with the situation at all.
We all deal with death in different ways, but in EMS and medicine it is something that is there every day (sometimes in frequent stretches). We HAVE to deal with it. Its our job. Now if only I can crack the death nut with my probie and at least get her talking instead of bottling it up. If she wants to do this long term, this is something she has to deal with.
Anyways, my crew and I have had a string of patient deaths, though not the we couldn't save them deaths. No more it was the elderly reaching the end of their time deaths. A DNR, a should have been DNR that the family was going to get the paperwork done the next day but relative decided tonight was the night, and elderly (105!!!) just not doing well and probably reaching the end of his time. Now, I could rant all day about hospice and the lack of planning in this country, but I will refrain for that for now.
Instead, and what I found very interesting, was that I had a new probie who was terrified of death and dying. Now maybe this is just something that I processed early on as a child and accepted (and no, I did not have my parents/grandparents die young), maybe its because I always have known I want to go into medicine, in the end it really doesn't matter but death and dying is something I am comfortable with in the field. Yes, I do get a bit nervous making the call, but for BLS, you have to be really dead or have a DNR to call it and thankfully those are the situations I encountered. Nerve wracking sure, but pretty clear cut. And yet this normal process really disturbed by probie. Perhaps I am the odd one finding his reaction odd but perhaps it was also his first dead person.
My crew chief and I asked her if she wanted to talk about it and she staunchly replied with a "no". Well, that makes us helping you deal with it all the harder.
The same thing happened when we had a "code" that was really a "well we were going to hospice tomorrow morning and we know she wants to die but no, we don't have any paperwork. Whats a DNR?" Thankfully the medic go medical clearance to stop the code but again, my probie didn't want to talk about, though we could tell she did not like dealing with the situation at all.
We all deal with death in different ways, but in EMS and medicine it is something that is there every day (sometimes in frequent stretches). We HAVE to deal with it. Its our job. Now if only I can crack the death nut with my probie and at least get her talking instead of bottling it up. If she wants to do this long term, this is something she has to deal with.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
The Funk
I have been hit with it. And hard. I dislike fevers and have had one for a few days now along with copious amounts of sinus clogging annoyance. Everyone else has allergies and I have the cold that will not back down.
Well at least its not the flu.
Excuse me while I go yell at my immune system to get itself back in gear... posts will resume soon.
Well at least its not the flu.
Excuse me while I go yell at my immune system to get itself back in gear... posts will resume soon.
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