Because normal is not a word that has ever applied to me

Simply put, my life is rather interesting right now.

The calls have been fairly quiet or minor. Lots of little old ladies and men needing help off the floor. I don't mind the calls as the "patients" are always so appreciative. The interesting call will get it's own post later.

Since I needed employment again, I managed to fin myself two teaching jobs at the local college. Never expected I would ever teach in any capacity other than informal instructions to my newer crew members to have them functional on the ambulance and passing their EMS courses. And yet here I am with two classes. One of my students unfortunately had to drop because she needed to take a class for her major but the email she sent me gave me a boost of confidence. I am working on perfecting my lectures but she said she couldn't wait to take the class again from me next semester as I was the first instructor on that subject to make her excited about class and want to more. That alone I feel is an accomplishment! it gives me hope that my teaching is not as bad as I may think it is.

Due to bills needing to be paid, I also have a lab job again. I am finding the topic more integrator than I expected though I have already experienced a few bumps on the way. I typically with technology and prediction programs however the ones I tried using utterly failed on me. Since my project has an extremely short deadline I had to suck up my pride in not knowing how to use a molecular biology program and ask for help for help from my PI. I felt as if I was letting him down but the networking with other labs near by quickly sorted out my technological problem and has left me with a great new contact. Turned out I was using an older program that had a particularly odd interface. I have since been shown a far superior search site. :)

In talks with my PI today he Asked if I was applying to MD/PhD programs and frankly I almost didn't know what to say. No one has ever really suggested that I go for one before. I have considered the idea before but all the MD/PhDs that I know are brilliant and I only see myself in the smart category. My GPA from undergrad is a hurdle enough as it is getting into med school so needless to say, its nice to see someone judging me for who I am now and not who I was in college. I am not a number, I am a person!

Now, let's see where this side trail in my life leads!

So close...

And yet so far away.

One more year.

I WILL get in this time.

I have fixed the problems that I had before.

I have even taken the MCATs... again!

The hardest is when my professors keep going "Wow, you didn't get in this year? I would have picked you."

Thanks, it is encouraging but its frustrating. Why can you see my potential but the admissions committees can't? Can you please go tell them to just cut to the chase and let me in already? You, my peers, are the ones I will be working with in the future, can't you please talk some sense into these people and let them know that I am someone you would LOVE to have around?

One more year...

Deep breaths

Almost there

Crossing fingers

So close

The Draw

One of my family friends is currently in medical school, ending her 2nd year so I overheard a conversation about how she is planning her 3rd year clerkships by chance today. This of course lead to me hunting down my medical school of choice's 3rd and 4th year schedules and oggling the rotations.

Surgery, ER, internal medicine, transplant, oh how you tempt me!

Just reading about the rotations makes me want to be there, getting the experience and doing what I know I love.

Just means I have to study a bit harder to get in I guess, so back to the pre exam waltz through the renal system!

Exhaustion

I was doing good, I was working on studying, I was almost on top of things.

And now I a, overwhelmed. I still have secondaries. I have cardiopulmonary lectures that need studying piling up left and right. I got sleep but it feels like it wasn't enough.

I had a busy night on the ambulance. It was good, I got to see things that I had not seen yet and learned a lot. But then something as simple as ice now has me feeling guilty that I couldn't have done more. I feel like a should have warned someone, even if it was 4 in the morning.

I want time to pause. I want break to be here. I just want to make it through this holiday season and not break down.

Time. I just need some time.

A Brief Moment of Venting

I am my own worst enemy. I know exactly what I have to do to get where I want to be in life. EXACTLY. And yet, I procrastinate. I still haven't finished several secondaries that I REALLY need to do. I have a lab notebook still because I told myself, 'Oh, I can get this done in between classes'. HA! Right. Have I touched it? No. So now I feel horrible that I am months later giving it back to my lab and needing to ask for recommendations at the same time. And I know I have done it all to myself. Why? Why on earth can I not get my act together? I am loving being in class but if I can't get myself together to study and you know, do well on the tests, what was the point of going to class? ARG!!!!

Heart and Head Problems

This post needs a little bit of background that I would normally not give. While I work in a more urban setting now, this took place when I was working in a much more rural area. Its also mid morning.

Dispatch says we are going to the local doctors office. Not the first time I had been there so I knew they meant the building in the center of town, not the hospital on the edge of town with a few doctors offices. Dispatch also says its cardiac related. Could this mean I actually get a code?

Now one thing I still do not understand about this building is that despite the fact that it has doctors offices on the second floor, the elevators will not fit our cot without it having the head raised and the frame dropped at the top end. We wheel into the doctors waiting room and are quickly directed to an exam room with out AED and gear.

I see an older lady in her seventies with a beautiful LifePack12 from the doctors office nearby. But she herself seems to be in only mild distress, not sweating, normal breathing, no visible pain on her face.

Well, guess this means no code, but maybe I can give nitro?

EMT GFP: "So what is going on today?"

Lady: "I came in for my appointment."

Doctor: "She was complaining of chest pain and has a history of heart problems, so we gave her three nitro. She is still in pain so we called 911."

Darn! No nitro today, but the doctors seemed decidedly worried so we got a quick set of vitals and got back into the ambulance as I started asking questions.

EMT GFP: "Have you had a heart attack before?"

Lady: "Yes, last year."

EMT GFP: "Does this feel like the last time you had a heart attack?"

Lady: "Yes."

EMT GFP: "When did the chest pain start?"

Lady: "Last night around 2 AM."

Blink. Blink. You are having chest pain that is identical to your last heart attack and you are just NOW getting to the hospital? Its nearly 10 AM?! Mind you, I did my best not to show my utter confusion and astonishment.

EMT GFP: "So why didn't you call 911 when your chest pain started?"

Lady: "I knew I had a doctors appointment so I just waited for that since I don't live close."

She didn't code on the way to the hospital and I am pretty sure she did not die that day, though I am not sure about her long term outcome. I am still amazed at the denial of her situation or her lack of education on heart attacks. Sure, for you 20-30 minutes might be a "long distance" but in an ambulance that is not far at all when going lights and sirens and we really don't mind being woken up at all hours to help you out. We will take a hit on our sleep if it means you will live to see another day. I hope that maybe this time she well get the education/wake up call that she need to understand 911 is there to help her!

So please people, if you are having cardiac chest pain, whether you have had it before or not, please call 911!